who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
