My first STD was from a foam party
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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