I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
