I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
