I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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