after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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