Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
