sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
