he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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