Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
