break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
