life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
