I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
