i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize