remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
