I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
