I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
