I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize