stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't turn off my feet"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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