i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize