im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
