and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
