I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
