i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
