"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
