Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
