well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
