Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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