I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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