No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
