tell your sister to shave her snatch
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
