I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
