dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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