id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
