do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When are your genitals available?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
