Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
