I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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