I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
