If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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