I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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