brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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