She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
