how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
