I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
