There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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