I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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