I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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