i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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