Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
