i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
