Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
