Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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