And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
