so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
