thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
