Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
