So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
