I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
