He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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