If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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