I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
