I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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