What did we do last night that was yellow?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we're so committed to being not committed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
