he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I checked into jail on foursquare
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
